Mr. President, let’s talk.
Seriously, Mr. President. It’s bad enough that you’re a White Sox fan, but I suppose I can forgive you for that because I’m in a generous mood and since I grew up as a Reds fan it has been a little tough to be critical of anyone else’s choices since 1990.
Now, unfortunately, we have to get into the unforgivable. First, you throw like a girl. Dude, you’re supposed to be this hip, athletic stud. You can’t go to the All Star Game and throw like a girl, that’s just incredibly lame.
Second, Mr. President, and I say this with all due respect, sir: You’re a slob. I’m sure you’re used to the press monikaing you about how hip you dress, but sir, you really aren’t all that sartorially speaking.
The inauguration was bad enough, sir, but it was your party and if you wanted to embarrass yourself with that pale imitation of “white tie” I suppose that was your prerogative. I must say though, sir, you are the leader of the free world, the least you could do is engage a gentleman’s personal gentleman to teach you how to dress. Sir, you are even the President when you attend a baseball game. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you don’t have any time off. You have to look the part even when you’re not in the office, sir. A Sox jacket, jeans and trainers simply do not suffice. I know, I know, you want everyone to think you’re just a “real guy.” Well, you’re NOT a real guy, you are the President of the United States and as such it is your duty and obligation to set an example every second of every day. And yes, sir, that means you wear a proper suit to the All Star Game, even if you think that makes you look like a dork. It doesn’t, it makes you look like the President of the United States and not just some schlub they picked at random out of the stands to throw out the first pitch.
Like a girl.
God, can you imagine Reagan… no, I can’t even imagine it.
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